Bodies in motion

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Bodies in motion

I spent some significant time this morning scrubbing a corner in my house with bleach. My house is inhabited by three children, two dogs, two and sometimes three cats and me. We could qualify as a hair and dust factory with a side classification for manufacturing dirty clothes and dishes. Granted, cleaning house was only a priority when I lived alone in my apartment in Atlanta. God, that place was so clean. And if you could ignore the gunshots and the domestic abuse, very quiet. But life is different now, different priorities and so many more hairy bodies, junk mail and old yogurt cups. And at least once a day there is an accident, of the spilling kind, the throw up kind, the fecal kind.
And it’s January, the shittiest month of the year. Sorry January, you just are. It’s after Christmas, it’s cold, it’s dark and it’s the anniversary. I really just want to hunker down like a grizzly bear and sleep, under the quilt. I do not want to make dinner, I do not want to exercise, I do not want to bleach the cat vomit out of that corner.
That’s the one, two gut punch of depression. I don’t feel like exercising, I don’t exercise, I feel less like exercising. I’m staring at my iPad, and getting plenty of high scores on puzzle forge. I want to eat gravy, on buttered cheese biscuits with a side of French fries, but I want them delivered to my bedside, getting up seems very, very difficult.
Thankfully, I have kids, they seem to need feeding everyday and I seem to be responsible for that. I made pizza last week. I turned on the oven.
So, Am i going to blob myself into February, will you find a a Jabba the hut sized greasy stain where my body should be? No. No you won’t. I’m putting one heavy foot in front of the other, taking a breath, and then putting the next heavy foot down. I am forcing, with great resistance and internal whining, myself to drink a big glass of water every morning. Im making a menu and a grocery list, those pictures of homemade granola were inspiring. I’m listening to my kid bug me to get up and do something with her (we planked together), I’m writing it all down, purging, I’m bleaching the effing corner.
I need a little nap now, cause it’s exhausting, but I’m doing it. January will pass and I will be a part of it. There’s no curse, just a moment of relative silence.

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