Widow’s walk

Widow’s walk

Typically widows, are supposed to be old grey haired women, who lost their husbands to a late in life heart attack. Her children are grown, and she’s surrounded by other women her age who are also widows.
I was 39 when I became a widow, I remember sitting on the back patio the night I found Chris and saying…”I’m a widow”. In those months after Chris’s death I was fortunate to have had the community of friends and family that gathered around the girls and I. But three years later their lives have gone on, as they should. But I am still a widow. It’s difficult for me because my peers are not in the same station in life as I am. Some of my peers are married and have the typical struggles of marriage, some of my peers are divorced and have the typical struggles of divorce. But young widows are pretty rare.
I suppose it’s the way friends are when the first of their group has a baby. No one really understands what it’s like to have a newborn, unless you have one. You don’t sleep, and sometimes even if you have the chance to get out and visit friends, you don’t because it’s exhausting to be awake, and the baby might give the sitter too much grief, or you can’t afford to go out. But unless you have a baby, you just think, ” it’s Friday night. Get a sitter and come out.” Eventually new parents have to become friends with other new parents. People who will understand when you have to say no and keep reaching out to you.
For the most part peers travel in the same cycles, getting married, having babies, getting promotions or new jobs, buying houses, caring for their parents, divorcing, staying married after all those years, rediscovering your youth, raising teenagers and so on. It’s lonely being outside that cycle. Maybe like the couple that has discovered they are infertile and will not be joining the play group set, or the one family with an autistic child, or the young widow. I haven’t found my young widows yet, I suspect they are out there too though.


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